Another past post on my foster care journey…
“In modern society, the proverb “blood is thicker than water” is used to imply that family ties (blood) are always more important (thicker) than the ties you make among friends (water). It generally means that the bonds of family and common ancestry are stronger than the bonds between unrelated people (such as friendship).” In my opinion, this is not true. I have some very special people in my life that are thicker than water. i.e. My husband, my best friend Alayna, Tristan to name a few!
If anyone knows me, I’m a planner. I like to know how things work, I like to figure things out and know exactly what is going to happen. I do not have patients, and I like being in control. Not very good traits for a foster mom, who has no idea what’s going on, ever! We FINALLY got paternity testing for one of the possible dads. We took Tristan to get his DNA swabbed on the 9th of June, almost 6 months and we are just getting somewhere. We got the results, negative!!! What a relief. We were really hoping Tristan and Alisia could be full siblings, now it is a good possibility. The Lord has been so good to us with our first foster care experience. Tristan is NOT going to Texas! That was just way too far, thank you Lord!
My first mother’s day ever was awesome! I am so blessed to be a mother to two wonderful, precious children. I knew Mother’s day would be hard for Alisia, knowing her biological mother is not being mother like. I talked with Ben to see if we should talk with her and tell her I can be her mom for the day. I don’t even know why I assumed she would not see me as her mom. Alisia gave me a spinning wheel with words that describe her mom (Me). “My mom is…My BFF, beautiful, an expert, precious, impressive, love, pretty, joyful, a holiday, a special gift.” I will cherish this forever. Tristan, with daddy’s help, gave me a “Mother’s Embrace” necklace with his birthstone.
A mom to a 9 year old. I know, crazy right? I would have been 13 when she was born. Sometimes when I’m with Alisia I figure people think she’s my younger sister, or my niece or something. But no, people assume she is mine. Makes for some awkward conversations. Sometimes I get overwhelmed thinking of having a 9 year old, and very soon, a teenager. When I’m with her I feel like an older sister, not a mom. I think she won’t respect what I say, since I’m not much older than she is. There are so many doubts and questions in my mind. I could think and worry all day. 2 Timothy 1:7 “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear: but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”
People ask me why I decided to do foster care. My sisters and I were always taking in abandoned baby animals. How much more the abandoned babies/children of the world need a mother. I always wanted to open an orphanage with my best friend Alayna. I just love children. I was the youngest child of 5. When I was little I would always ask my parents if I could have a little brother or sister. When I was a little older, probably 9 or 10 we had a young mom with her baby daughter stay with us. Her husband was in prison and she didn’t know the first thing about raising that child. I enjoyed helping her out. I also saw the brokenness of her family. Her husband was in prison, she was on welfare, no family to support her. We got an email from her a couple years back saying she married this Christian man and now has a couple more children. To think we might have helped her get to that point is so rewarding! Children are my mission field.
Not all Christians are called to adopt or be foster parents. Everyone has his or her gifts or talents. Some people are preachers, some people are missionaries, some people are busy bringing up their own family, some people are prayer warriors etc. etc. etc. At the same time, I believe one of the reasons Christians do not adopt, or foster is because they do not want to “mess up” their perfect family. “What if I get a child that has been molested. What if my foster child shows my bio child pornography?” I’m not saying that I do not worry about these things. In my mind it is a way of life. I will need to constantly watch my biological children along with my foster/adopted children. Yes, foster children may be more familiar to the things of the world than my biological children would, or my nieces and nephews who they are spending much of their time with, but they need love just like any other child. It is not their fault that they are in these broken situations.
We all need to pray constantly to fight the battle for my children’s souls. I have to lead my children in the way they should go (Proverbs 22:6). Once you have done your part, it is in the Lord’s hands. What if two of my children go astray? Wouldn’t it be worth it if just one of them chose the path of righteousness? I know that may sound harsh, and I wont be thinking so clearly if that happens. But it is the truth. Speak truth and not lies to yourself.
My biggest all time fear with foster care/adoption is that my kids will not love me as much as their biological mom. In a way the children may have the same fear, that I will love my biological children more than them. Ben says I’m silly for thinking that. He says I was there when their mom was not. But if it were me, I would have a hard time loving someone who was not my mom. I would always hope my mom would straighten out her life so I could be with her. My Mema (Connie Damiani) died from cancer when I was 2 ½. I have a couple memories like coloring pictures for her and going to a big mall. Sometimes I really miss her. I wish I could have gotten to know her, I think we might have had a lot in common. Imagine if it had been my mom, how much more would I miss her, and want to get to know her.
This is my hero, the most amazing man in the world. This melts my heart!
Might as well use my facebook post…Happy Fathers day to my amazing husband! Ben, you are such an amazing example of our heavenly father. Tristan and Alisia watch your every move. It is so clear to see how much they love you! I am so proud to have a husband that puts his child before everything else. You are so gracious and patient. Thanks for being such a godly example to the little ones (and me) that are watching you so closely! We LOVE YOU! I have to say, being a foster parent/adoptive parent is something I have always dreamed of! I am so blessed that Ben has the same passion. He accepts Tristan like he is his own flesh and blood! It makes me so happy! Tristan (with my help) bought Ben a nice coffee maker. Alisia made him the sweetest card ever! It read “Dear Dad, Happy Father’s Day! Thank you for everything you do for me. I love spending time with you. I especially like when we work together, play soccer together, and play the Piano. I love you Daddy!”
How wonderful that Alisia has a father figure to give her father’s day card to. Someone that is, at least for now filling the role of a father to her. She can knows that Ben will always be there. He is someone she can count on, he wont just run off one day and go to jail.
Once again, I encourage you to think about foster care, or adoption. Is it something God has called you to do. It is so rewarding, so fun! I cannot imagine my life without having met Tristan & Alisia.