“This is a blog post I had from my previous blog. I thought you deserve some background on my life. This is my story about my son Tristan. I will also post my 6 month foster care progress, and on Friday (Tristan’s 9 month birthday) I’ll post about our current progress. Enjoy.”
I have gotten so many questions from friends, family and complete strangers. I love all the attention and pride a new baby gives, but it can also be a bit overwhelming. I am going to elaborate on some of the answers I gave to the questions I have had while being a foster mom. I’ll also give a little insight into my heart. Let me just start out by saying these past 3 months have been the toughest, most amazing 3 months of my life. I never knew how much sleep I would loose over a little baby. I held Tristan ALL day, even when he was sleeping. The only time Tristan was not in my arms was when Ben was holding him, or he was sleeping in his crib at night. Mommy and baby both thought it was better to be together all the time. The first couple of weeks were an amazing bonding time. After the ‘meals for the new mom’ (I was so blessed by these meals) stopped coming I realized I would have to put Tristan down once in a while in order to take care of myself, and my husband. Holding and feeding Tristan all the time made it hard for me to eat or sleep, so I just skipped my meals and didn’t sleep much. Not a good idea. All of that said, I wish I could relive the first couple of weeks again.
I was blessed, and encouraged by the way that friends and family received the news that Ben and I would be foster parents. It would be so hard being foster parents without the great support from friends and family, I am so blessed!
So many people tell me that they would never be able to be a foster parent. They say they would get too attached; that they could never let a child go that has been in their home. I usually do not give much of a response. Quite honestly I am too annoyed to say anything nice in response. The thought that I am some hardhearted person that can easily give up a child is imposturous. Do they really think I would get any less attached than they would? Absurd! Yes it does take a special person to be a foster parent, but anyone CAN be that special person. The fear of having to one day let go of Tristan makes my heart hurt.
Another remark I get fairly often. “Tristan is so lucky to have you.” I know people mean well when they say this. The truth is, Tristan, or any other child in foster care is not LUCKY, quite the contrary. I am the lucky one. I am blessed with such a precious child to care for, and love as my own. I am so thankful for the opportunity to possibly change a child’s life.
Something else I hear quite often. “Won’t this be hard? How will you give up the child?” Yes this is hard. Yes this will be hard. I don’t think you can quite understand how hard it actually is unless you go through it yourself. I have not even had to give up a foster child, yet, but I have shed many tears already. Sometimes I just hold Tristan tight and cry and cry just thinking how will I ever give him up. In those moments I am weak, I am being selfish. The thing is, I am not doing this for myself. I admit, when we first got Tristan I was close to calling the caseworker and having her come take him away. I thought, what have I gotten myself into. I cannot do this. You know what, I cannot do this, not on my own that is. I know that a lot of people do not understand why I would want to do foster care. It is not only painful for me, giving up a child affects my friends and family as well. My life, and Tristan’s life, and future are in the Lord’s hands.
Isaiah 55:8 & 9 “ For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD. 9 For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.”
“What do you call yourself? Mommy?” Sometimes I feel awkward calling myself mommy. Yes, there is a biological mother out there, somewhere. That woman is not being a mother. She is being selfish. The moment I got the phone call that there was a little boy 5lbs 9oz. that needed a safe home. I became Mommy! One little smile from this boy confirms that I am Mommy. He just melts my heart!
Another question. “What made you decide to be a foster parent?” There are so many places in the Bible that God talks about feeding the hungry, caring for the fatherless. If the fatherless are important to God, I want to care for them!
Matthew 25:40 “And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as you have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.”
Psalms 68:5 “A father of the fatherless, and a judge of the widows, is God in his holy habitation. “
James 1:27 “Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world.”
So far being a foster parent has been the most rewarding endeavor of my life. Ever since I was a little girl I loved helping people. I especially have a heart for children.
God never ceases to amaze me. The details of our foster care experience so far blow me away. I can see Gods hand so clearly. I really could not comprehend what being a foster parent would be like. Now that I am a foster parent, I am slowly realizing just how amazing this role is.
Often Ben and I will talk about the IF and when we have to give up Tristan. Ben asked me just last night if I would be able to get another foster child. That is a really hard question to answer. I do not even want to think about giving Tristan up because I cry every time I do. Yes it will be like losing a child if I have to give him up. I am sure I will mourn for the rest of my life if I have to give him up. Will I do it again? I would like to say yes. The good far outweighs the bad. I know my weak human heart will want to give up, but I know the Lord will give me the strength if foster care is His will for my life.
It also amazes me how many people’s lives are touched, just by having a little boy live with us. I never thought about the Aunts, Grandparents and siblings that we would be in contact with. I feel so blessed to have a part in healing this family. I especially enjoy spending time with Tristan’s older sister Alisia. She is 9 years old and has had more loss, and hurt than anyone I know. Alisia squeezes every ounce of love out of us and just keeps squeezing. She lives with her great grandmother known as Gram. Gram is the sweetest lady. Gram has a hard time getting around these days though and cannot offer as much attention to Alisia as Ben and I can. Alisia has hinted and practically asked us to adopt her. At this point she is not legally up for adoption. We just smile and ignore the question. All I know is this girl needs us right now. We are going to try to do everything we can to help her.
It is amazing what God can do if you allow him. Being a foster parent is one of the easiest, but also one of the hardest things you will ever do. To be a foster parent, all you need to do is be capable of loving a child, no matter how they are acting, no matter what their past has been like. It reminds me of God’s love towards mankind.
Romans 5:8 “But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.”
As a Christian, I am an adopted daughter of God. Gives me the goosebumps.
Galatians 3:26 “ For ye are all the children of God by faith in Christ Jesus.”
1 John 3:1 “ Behold, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us, that we should be called the sons of God: therefore the world knoweth us not, because it knew him not.”
It is crazy to think how our lives have changed, for the better, in just 3 months. I cannot wait to see what God will do with the rest of my life!
I hope that by reading this you were encouraged. I love talking to people about our foster care journey, please feel free to ask any questions. Here is a thought I would like to leave you with. What if every Christian family fostered or adopted just one child? Could every child have a home? How could you change a life of a child?
P.S. We do not know if we can adopt Tristan yet, or if he will be going to Texas to live with his grandparents. We have not gotten paternity testing done yet so we are not 100% sure who the dad is, we have a pretty good idea though. Bio mom and dad are roaming the streets, staying far away from the case workers. As far as we know they are back to doing drugs and whatever else they do, no sign of change at the present. Please continue to pray for Ben, myself, Tristan, Alisia, and everyone else that is involved in this. Thank you so much for your prayers and support. It really means so much to us!